Detaching From the Agenda to Create Your Own Narrative
As a Black femme and first generation college student, I stand with one foot in the past, and one foot in the now, rooting myself as a catalytic portal into the what’s next. Growing up, my parents had very high hopes for and expectations of me. That led to my innate knowing that I would be great.
However, for the first 22 years of my life, I channeled that energy into aligning my life the way society unconsciously directed me to. First, by way of my parents, who were looking to teach their daughter how to live “a better life.” Then, through reciting the agenda: Go to school, get a job and everything else will fall into place.
As femmes from the time we’re born, we’re taught who we should be—as we relate to men, as we act in society, as we reflect our families, as we are perceived by the outward world (and the list goes on). All of this, beyond lacking intersectional context, never asks for us to look within ourselves, to define ourselves for ourselves.
What Happened When the Agenda Didn’t Work for Me
After following the agenda, when I was seemingly at the top of my game, with an apartment overlooking the city, a corporate job, and a degree (with another on the way), I was gut punched with reality. My alleged Prince Charming took off his costume, and revealed his true self. I was gut punched not because I didn’t know who I was without him, or that he ruined my fairytale, but because he served as the perfect metaphor of my life up until that moment. Beautiful and perfectly packaged on the outside, but lacking in depth, purpose and direction on the inside.
I made the realization that I was moving full speed ahead, towards goals that weren’t my own, but took over my entire life. I was allowing them guide me and shape my existence, wondering why the agenda hadn’t left me fulfilled, as promised.
This led me to spiral. And this darkness essentially birthed my journey of self-actualization.
In a moment of reflective darkness, I found myself asking all the questions. Why am I here? Why am I graciously given breath in my body each day? And the most pondered, what is my purpose? Using this as a ritual, I dug into the depths of my being to resolve all the unanswered questions, and mend all of my unhealed wounds.
This unpacking lead to clarity. It allowed for me to make peace, and shed the pieces of myself that no longer served me.
My New Self
In order to make space for my new self, I had to both confront and detach myself from all external voices and forces. I quieted my mind enough to hear my own voice, my highest self, the intuitive voice that guides me, not that shadow self that harbors self doubt. I also had to love me enough to release my attachment to all fears, and surrender to this process of transformation. I had to fully relinquished the old to make way for all the new.
In the midst of this rebirth, I realized, that in addition to truly learning about myself and falling in love with myself, I was also the best version of myself. Through this journey, I gained the freedom to write my own agenda. It was also in this moment that I realized my purpose was to bring this liberation to other Black femmes. To help them hang up their capes from saving the world, and to focus on saving themselves. First by actualizing themselves, and then helping them to discover their own unique missions.
I coupled this purpose with my passion for written and verbal storytelling to activate my mission as an inner transformation catalyst. After quitting my job, I began to manifest this mission, by producing self-actualization content, including a monthly series featuring blog posts, podcasts, newsletters and videos. I did this as a way to help kickstart other Black femmes’ journeys. Taking my mission a step further, I recently unveiled my soul’s work, B. Loving, an organization that is seeking to cultivate wholeness, through collective healing, conversation and liberation amongst Black femmes exclusively.
Through all of this, I realized that I didn’t really start living, or tap into the depths of my abilities until I looked within myself. Before then, I was merely in auto-pilot, simulating the agenda of the American dream. A life that was unoriginal, and uninspired. I now wake up with daily gratitude, grateful that I am able to show up in the world as my whole self, while being able to help the people I love most create their own agenda. Through this, I have finally found fulfillment.
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